Daddy Daydreamer

Living with depression sucks

I wonder why I put myself through the mental wringer

Figurine comforting a sad figurine

Depression tracks me like a ninja, quietly plotting his course in the dark; muted footfalls, cagey eyes.

Living with it requires constant vigilance, self-care. Ignoring the signs can lead to disaster. I constantly calculate the costs and benefits of disclosure. I'm afraid of appearing weak.

I push through.

Deep down, I . . .

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April 19, 2018

Some dude texted me by accident and said he was going to kill himself

I called him backā€”find out what happened

Diary note, anger, shame, potential suicidal thoughts

The call came at 5:09 on a cold January morning, waking me from a sound sleep. It was a text-to-landline message.

"Goodbye Nicole, I love you," the robotic voice said. An obvious wrong number.

I thought about the message. Maybe it was a husband sending a sweet message to his wife. But I felt a finality to it; five words can mean . . .

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January 31, 2018

This story will make you question manhood

Being only tough and strong prevents boys and men from discovering their authentic selves

Football players at line of scrimmage
Photo: Freeimages.com – Josef Faustbeck

Take it like a man.

How often have you heard this expression? Or maybe one of its cousins: Man up. Don’t be a sissy. Be a man. Don’t cry.

When I played university football, emblazoned at the top of our dressing room, in huge, black lettering, read the words: INTIMIDATE AND . . .

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July 06, 2017

Let's talk about mental illness

I'm no longer silent about bipolar disorder

I've blogged about depression, but something always held me back about bipolar disorder. Well, here it goes ...

Silvrback blog image

In my early twenties, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

I went through bouts of mania where, in no particular order, I trashed my townhouse, ran up large debts, got kicked out of bars, had run-ins with police, . . .

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January 25, 2017

Failing as a teacher was one of my greatest life lessons

In dealing with depression, I have become a better, stronger person

Chalk and eraser
Photo: Freeimages.com – Elliot Jordan

Teaching grade school and parenting are very similar. Both involve educating children, and both require great patience. My first foray into teaching wasn’t successful, but it helped me become a stronger person and prepared me for eventual parenthood.

In May, 2000, I . . .

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June 09, 2016

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